AVERY: Slow-moving vampire snails, eh? I guess I just need a big shoe or a salt shaker to wipe out those little bastar...ds! Whoops! Hey guys! How's the undead life treating you?
SNAILS: So how did you like our performance? Are we ready for Hollywood?
AVERY: Wait! What are you guys talking about?
SNAILS: We're a traveling snail theater group. We want to be in movies, and vampires are big right now. So we glued on these fans and we're ready for the silver screen!
We'd even be willing to ... uh ... sparkle if we need to.
AVERY: Well, you scared us pretty good. It's gonna take Irving a week to clean off the poop from his fur. Say, our car broke down on the road a little way back ...
SNAILS: Oh, no problem ... we'll help you fix it.
IRVING: INTO EACH GENERATION A KOALA IS BORN!!!!
AVERY: What the...
AVERY: Wait! They're not really vampires! They're actors. They ... hey ... where did you get that wig?
IRVING: You were right about the tape. It taught me everything I needed to know about vampires. Also fashion and lesbianism.
AVERY: We're not doing a great job proving our innocence.
IRVING: We're just running around in circles, causing unfortunate trouble wherever we go.
AVERY: We need to find that funky gorilla. Before anyone else gets hurt.
IRVING: Ooh. Now I feel bad about killing actors! We're destroying Hollywood's waiters!
IRVING: I really enjoyed that videotape. There was this Xander character. He gave an Emmy-worthy performance! He also had these pouty lips and bedroom eyes.
AVERY: Dude. If you just come out of the closet, you'll be a much happier person.